Maybe you think you don’t have children to raise—either because you never had kids, or because they’re no longer living at home. But in Philippians 1, Paul writes from a Roman prison that if he’s going to continue living, it will be for the sake of helping others grow closer to Christ. With that in mind, let’s broaden our perspective: “children” aren’t just biological sons and daughters. They also include the spiritual sons and daughters God has placed in your life—those who are learning from your example as you follow Jesus.

Welcome to Part 5 of our seven-part series on raising a family to follow Jesus. Today, we’re shifting our focus to the future version of your children—learning to trust God’s long-term work in their lives. Here’s what has shaped my perspective.

Raising four children, there have been countless moments when I had to be the voice of “no”—to set boundaries and, in a sense, give the gift of “no.” Those moments were never easy. Disappointment, tears, and debate often followed, even though my intentions were good.

One day, a line came to me that I have used many times since. After telling my daughter, “no” and seeing the hurt in her eyes, I said, “I’m holding out for the 35 year-old version of you.” It just came out, because in that moment I was thinking about who she would become, not just who she was in that instant.

That’s where my heart was—in the future. I was imagining the person she would become, the wisdom she would gain, and the way she would live fully as God designed her to. My hope is that, when she looks back on our family life, she won’t see perfection—but she will see that the guidance and boundaries we gave her helped shape her life in Christ.

But how do you get kids to “get it”—right now? Why can’t they just trust your goodness?

One of the most eye-opening ways to understand God’s perspective, even in a small way, is to long for your children to mature and truly “get it.” You want them to grasp what you already see—the wisdom you hope will help them avoid pitfalls, grow, and flourish.

The key is to keep your eyes on the future, holding out hope for the 35-year-old version of your children, trusting that God is still at work shaping them. This requires patience and a long-term perspective, because the journey will get messy—and if we don’t keep this vision, it will be easy to lose hope along the way.

Returning to Philippians 1, Paul wrote to the believers from a Roman prison. The “kids” he had raised—his spiritual children—were on their own, and he wondered about them: How are they doing? Are they holding fast to what I taught them? There was no Zoom or instant connection from Rome to Philippi, yet Paul clearly hoped for their best outcome.

What Paul did as a kind of remote parent to his disciples is something we can apply today. Here are four practical ways we can follow his example:

1. Pray with Endurance. Keep praying for your children, even once they are adults. For those who follow Jesus, remember Philippians 1:6: “He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion.” Make prayer a daily habit, trusting God’s timing. Are you consistently praying for those God has entrusted to you?

2. Stay Connected. Reach out regularly—call, text, or visit. Share a memory from their faith journey or a Scripture that has encouraged you. Ask questions like, “What is God showing you lately?” or “How can I pray for you?”

3. Model Faith. Live out your own faith adventure. Take risks for Kingdom purposes, trust God in crises, and let others see your reliance on Him. Do your children know what you are trusting God for right now? Can you let them into your journey?

4. Release and Trust. Let go of trying to control their current choices. Don’t let their behavior dictate your peace. Journal your prayers and reflections, and pray with others while remembering how God has worked in your life before. This practice helps you release pressure and center on God’s glory and His perfect timing.

In my family, “holding out” has been a journey. My children’s paths have been rocky at times, just as mine has been. Much of the story is still unfolding—none of my kids have reached 35 yet, so I am still holding out hope for their future selves. There are no guarantees. In fact, we may not fully see the outcome until well beyond their 35-year-old versions.

Consider Moses as an example. He saw the trail of God’s glory AFTER He passed Moses by. The remnants of God’s work in the present is, more often than not, illusive or unknown to us. Our faith in Him is that we will see the trail of His glory in those we have poured our lives in. Bet on it!

In your corner,
Jeff

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