My father passed 20 years ago. I miss him and I long for him to see how I’ve changed in these past 20 years. He was a kingdom leader in his day. At the time of his passing, my life was not kingdom aligned. It was just turning.
Some time ago, when asking Siri to dial, the script came back “Calling Ed Dayton.” (my dad) His number was still on my phone even though a decade had passed since he went to Heaven. I hung up. But something overcame me. I started talking to him. “Dad, you’d be so proud of me.” The tears overwhelmed my words. It was a transformative moment.
The power of a moment like that comes from our desire to hear our father’s words, his affirmations. We all want to hear that our father is proud of us, even if he might not have been the best of role models. Of course, we mainly need to hear from our Heavenly Father, but the significance of our own father’s opinions is difficult to overstate.
My dad wrote me a letter at 18. I have it protected in plastic and read it often. Though memories fade of our conversations, I can constantly be reminded of his love and pride in me at 18. He was a man of many words but few words of emotions. He learned how to father from his father. He wrote the story, The Ghost of My Father, describing him. In the story, he tells how he can hear his father’s voice and see his mannerisms within himself. His most cherished memory was a letter from him at 18.
At TMP, we teach you to invest in your children. Your most significant investment is your words! Words written can be even more powerful. Bob Shank, the founder of TMP, taught me that if we communicate the ways of TMP to our kids, they won’t need TMP at an older age. They get it from us. Yet, this will not happen without intentional investment. I believe letters are one of the most impactful investments you can make.
My son, Jed, got a letter from me on his 18th birthday, following the Dayton tradition. He’s received many letters. I’m planning on printing them in a personal book. My voice will be there for him, explaining fatherhood, sharing my struggles, or reminding him how God moved in and through me. He won’t have to wonder who he is and what I think of him when I’m gone.
I wrote him a letter today. This week was one of his most challenging. He needs to hear verbally and in writing to give meaning to this moment. He needed to hear that he can consider trials joy because endurance builds his perseverance. He needed to hear that a good God is working all things together for his good. He needs to know that although he cannot control his circumstances, he can control his response to them. And, so I wrote.
Don’t wait! Write a letter to your son or daughter today. Tell them they have what it takes. Whether they’re 19 or 50 makes little difference. The heart’s need for affirmation does not pass with time. You will make all the difference in their lives because you invested now.
We’re in your corner,
Rob
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