Listen to the commentary

Dear Marketplace Friend,

It might be time for some tough reckoning. This may not be – for you – a match made in Heaven. Maybe you’ve been deliriously happy in the relationship, and this quick check-in will only confirm your good fortune. Or, it may reveal the denial that you’ve been accommodating so that you wouldn’t have to face up to some tough considerations. Is it time for a tune-up? Do you have some action going on the side that you’ve kept hidden from your main squeeze? Do you have a pre-nup that needs to be revisited as you consider your options? Or, is a clean break the only way to resolve some of the pent-up anxiety that has been building for some time? We need to talk…

It’s a fairly new phenom; you might have said it about other people, and perhaps it has been said about you (most probably, behind your back). The charge? “They’re married to their job.”

We talked about real marriage – the model created by God – and I advocated for what our society now calls “covenant marriage.” Trend surfers would plot that concept out on the fringe edges of reality; that’s not surprising given its alignment with the biblical blueprint. “’Til death parts us” is an expiration date reserved for spousal partnership, until now.

In the 21^st Century, some of our generational peers have celebrated more longevity with their business card than with their marriage certificate. How do you know if you’re at risk of elevating the greatest time demand of your life (100,000 hours, plus commute and travel times) to compete with the greatest human connection of your life?

Here are four symptoms of an out-of-whack love affair with your career.

“Work talk” has replaced “small talk.” If your active participation in conversation outside of the office ebbs-and-flows based on your opportunity to give the play-by-play of your latest professional scoring play, it’s a tell. Get a life…

Your job is your hobby. “What do you do for fun?” is the game-show question that stops you in your tracks. You have no time for fun, so you’ve recreationalized your job description and have placed performance plaques on your wall where fish or antlers would otherwise hang.

You regularly experience phantom vibrations. Hyper-sensitivity to connectivity results in the sensation of a text or incoming call signal coming from your pocket or purse, only to find that your nervous system is misfiring as you try to maintain constant contact with can’t-miss colleague calls.

Your pillow becomes a whiteboard. Finally horizontal for sleep and rest, you can’t turn your mind off as you review recent appointments and conversations while strategizing tomorrow’s prime emphasis. You have a notepad on your nightstand to capture the nocturnal notions.

Personal time becomes an email spring cleaning. Reviewing and responding to all of those saved/archived incoming messages that have built up like the traffic that chokes your morning commute are your chosen activity when you’re all alone and could do anything. You aspire to be the tech version of Marie Kondo as you imagine writing the book on digital decluttering.

Are you married to your work? You might be experiencing a period of peace and progress in your Monday-Friday life right now, or you might be in the midst of some mounting anguish as you wonder how far your current role can stretch into your future until seek acceptance into the Witness Protection Program and become a no-show for the next performance review. 

This week, I want to raise the specter of suspicion that your relationship with your work might be ready for some re-examination. As you work to wrap-up the demands that have kept you cranking through 2023 and prepare for the reset waiting for you in 2024, would you like some help to perform a highly-informed audit of the all-consuming demands that can become your identity?

Stay tuned for next week; I’ve got a year-end challenge for you…

Bob Shank