Are you getting started in any relationships that you hope become a continuing engagement? Here’s a coaching suggestion: avoid beginning any statement with “In my opinion…” and, second: resist the temptation to ask the question: “What’s your opinion?” Why might those be deal-killers?

            We’ve landed on a square on history’s game board wherein division seems to be the only continuing certainty in relational arithmetic. Find two people who seem to be getting along pretty well, and you can probably deduce that they’re either very early in their get-to-know-you interplay, or – having exposed some of the hot-button issues – they’re on the same page, and already agree.

            In the world of live-broadcast programming, what used to be presented as “news” has been hijacked by “opinions.” The most dangerous territory is occupied by opinion presenters who are masquerading as journalists/news providers. Real news is consistent, no matter the spokesperson; opinions are – necessarily – shaped and shared by people with a bent with a view toward influence.

            In the modern era, extended families have been coached before holiday gatherings regarding the challenge of sharing a meal with “loved ones” whose diversity of thought can bring polite banter to blows, calling an end to the festivities and – sometimes – removing future reunions from consideration.

            George Eliot’s counsel is, perhaps, well suited to our era: “Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.” When everyone is offering their opinion, is it foolish or wise to chime in? What’s the best counsel – for the creation and nurture of relationships – in a world run amok with differences?

            A study released a few months ago by NewsGuard revealed that 49% of Americans said they believed at least one of the top false news claims circulating online in June last year. The research surveyed 1,000 Americans and found that only 7 percent of those surveyed could correctly identify all three false “news” claims as untrue.

            In the Gospel accounts – which reference about 55 days of Jesus’ 1000 days of public ministry – we have 180 citations of people asking Jesus direct questions. His frequent response to those inquiries was to offer a question of His own, avoiding the confrontation that was – perhaps – most often intended.

            All three of the synoptic Gospels include the confrontation created between the Pharisees and Jesus on a hot-button topic: “Tell us, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?” (Matthew 22:17). What was up? “…the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words.” (vs 15). I wonder: does God – Father, Son, Holy Spirit – have opinions about everything?

            Good question; simple answer: He has reasoned positions regarding every important subject and subset that occupies our relational lives. Here’s part of what makes God’s wisdom so profound: He focuses attention on the matters that matter and avoids the peripheral prater that only serves to separate.

            May I offer some input that you may find refreshing? It’s okay to not have an opinion about everything that’s creating conflict and confusion in your personal community. And, even when you have an opinion that you’re ready to defend, there may be little/no value in inserting a contrasting position in the middle of an overheating discussion.

            Jesus had answers for every question ever asked… BUT, He deflected most of the incendiary verbal missiles that would have shut off the conversation. He knew what He had come to do: He was here to save a lost world, not to win a convoluted debate.

            My advice: “To opine is human; to decline is divine.” Asking “What would Jesus do?” is a great internal check on one’s tongue…

— Bob Shank